Categories
Inspiration

Why Purple?

Around 1250 to 1300, Greeks named the purple quartz amethyst meaning “not intoxicated or intoxicating,” based on the gem’s seeming ability to prevent drunkenness. The name amethyst, is tied to Dionysius, the Greek god of intoxication, who was known as Bacchus to the Romans. As the story goes, Dionysius felt insulted by something a human said. He was a vengeful Greek god who decided to take his anger out on the next human who came near. A woman named Amethyst was the unfortunate human to suffer Dionysius’ wrath. The Greek god sent tigers to kill her. Amethyst was actually on her way to worship the goddess Diana, who turned Amethyst into a quartz statue so the tigers could not hurt her. Dionysius felt so bad about what he had done that he cried, raining wine down on the quartz statue. In the Roman version of this myth, Bacchus poured the juice from his grapes over the statue. The wine is what was believed to impart the rich, purple amethyst color. True to amethyst meaning, this semi-precious gem promotes mental clarity and helps curb addictive behavior.

Categories
Relationships

Is Pornography Cheating?

Yes, pornography is cheating, because it involves deception and dishonesty. It can hurt a relationship because it is a kind of affair. It involves an object or image instead of a person, but it is still an affair.

Pornography can become an obsession. If watching it is an occasional behavior, it might not have any effect on a relationship. But it can be a very powerful thing that people quickly develop a problem with. It becomes similar to any other addiction.

When you become addicted, you start lying. The behavior can make you lose interest in your spouse and in many of the the activities you used to enjoy.

If pornography has become an addiction for you, you have to decide: is it more important than your relationship? If you want to save your marriage or relationship, then STOP. If you can’t stop on your own, get help. A therapist can help you figure out if the behavior is filling a need in your life that isn’t being met in another way.

If it’s your partner who is addicted, you may feel hurt or betrayed. You may be furious. You might feel ugly or inadequate. (Why am I not enough?)

You’ll need to tell your partner honestly how you feel. Try to resolve the hurt and to rebuild trust. Be open to seeing a therapist who can help you explore whether other problems in your relationship might be triggering the need.

Some people are able to stop when they realize the harm they’re doing. Accept, though, that your partner might not want to stop, or might not be able to change without treatment. There are 12-step programs available to help, for example http://saa-recovery.org/.

Don’t let a partner’s use of pornography make you feel bad about yourself.

Categories
Recovery

Just Say No

Nancy Reagan made “Just Say No” famous in 1982 and it spread quickly in drug prevention and treatment programs.

The slogan received a lot of criticism, though. The idea of just saying no to drugs was called simplistic, the reducing of something that is complex to a catch phrase.

It is overly simple. Of course it’s not the whole story. But in a way breaking any addiction is this simple because you do have to say no — as a first step.

Simple is not the same thing as easy.

An addiction is physical, spiritual and emotional. The thing we’re addicted to becomes a friend that is always there. It provides an intense pleasure that we come to depend on. Even someone with a lesser addiction — to coffee or to chocolate — knows that it is not easy to break a habit.

This is where treatment programs and support groups help. They will help to reduce the automatic responses to the thing you crave. You’ll examine the core reasons why you rely on your addiction in the first place. You will learn to distract yourself and say “yes” to other things that will give your life real meaning.

But it does all start with telling yourself that you have a choice, and that you’re choosing to say no.

Categories
Grief

The Loss of a Child

The loss of a child to drugs or to suicide is one of the greatest tragedies we can face in life.

It is different than a death from illness or accident because in addition to grief a parent is searching desperately to understand. Why did this happen? Why? Why didn’t he ask for help? What didn’t I see? What could I have done differently?

Some parents feel as though their hearts are broken from devastating grief. Some express the feeling that their life has stopped.

The reaction from the community can include judgmental statements that the child died as a result of his own actions. Many people just don’t know what to say. This adds to the intense pain and sense of isolation and powerlessness felt by the parents.

How do you go on?

Some people find solace in close friends and family or in support groups.

Some people go to mediums. They want a sign. They have to find peace somehow.

Some people feel the grief lift a bit when they reach out to help others.

It is so important to try to take care of yourself. It is natural to feel like you will never feel joy again, but sometimes you can find moments of pleasure — in a walk on the beach, in a massage, in taking a grandchild out to a restaurant.

Don’t feel guilty for these moments of pleasure.

The pain lessens with time. It doesn’t go away, but it lessens.

Remember, too, that a tragedy like this puts the greatest strain possible on the relationships in your life. Therapy can help with this.

Categories
Recovery

Seeing Addiction from the Other Side

Conversations with Carol is a unique group. It brings addicts and codependents together to talk… and to listen. You get the opportunity to ask some of the questions you might not be able to ask your own loved one and to get some answers. We look at the roots of the pain and try to learn other ways of coping. The group is full of sharing, learning, tears and laughter. It’s about healing and hope.

The group fulfills a need that wasn’t being met. Support groups are generally either for addicts or for codependents, but they aren’t for both.

CWC has been meeting for over a year now and we’re going strong and growing. The concept really works for people. As a mother of an addict said to me recently, “I can’t talk to my own son, but there is a young man in the group who sounds just like my son. Hearing what he has to say has given me a lot of insight.”

I want codependents to feel in some way what addicts go through. And I want addicts to know what their parents or other loved ones are dealing with. At a recent meeting, a woman whose son died from drugs spoke so movingly I know it made an impression.

CWC is open to anyone who is struggling with any kind of addiction (either recovering or active), and to anyone who is involved with an addict.

ITS FREE!!

We meet:
Every Sunday morning from 9:00 to 10:30am

Carol Feldman is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Sunday Conversations with Carol

Every week on Sunday

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/880813374?pwd=YkxjY29LREFDc1lWTis5bUptbnJPQT09

Join us for support, hope and healing.

For more info contact me at cjflifeworks.com or cjflifeworks@comcast.net.

Categories
Recovery

Are Your Kids Smoking Pot??

Do you know the answer??
It’s not the pot from the 60’s.
Every Sunday morning in Hamilton you can join me for Conversations with Carol and learn why the kids are doing and what you can do about it.

Categories
Depression

Volunteering

Sometimes one of the best ways to deal with depression to do something for somebody. There is a good feeling that you get when you bring a smile to somebody’s face.

REMEMBER
make a difference in someone’s life and it will make a difference in yours.

Categories
Recovery

Struggling???

Are you struggling with addiction or codependency (or both??)
There is Help!!
There is Hope!!
Join me for Conversations with Carol every Sunday in Hamilton.

Categories
Uncategorized

Happy Mother’s Day!!

I wish you all a beautiful day The sun is shining Even though everything may not be perfect in your life try and enjoy the beauty that surrounds you. Take a walk, or a hike or a bike ride Do something today that brings you joy

Categories
Inspiration

It’s a beautiful day!!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life Take a walk, ride a bike do something fun!!!